counting the days

until everything changes...

I just needed to de-stress a bit. I am so nervous about our appointment with Early Intervention. This is going to change so much of our lives. I'm not sure how I should feel about it. On the one hand. I am excited to work with these people and figure out how best to help my Little Bear with his difficulties. It's the other hand that bothers me. On that hand, he will be "officially" "disabled". With a "Team" working with him. Not just me.

The difference doesn't seem all that much from a practical point of view. He is no more or less "differently-abled" with or without a team of people knowing about it. I do really think that the "help" would be great for him. I just don't want to have that conversation. It's the whole developmental assessment I'm afraid of. The whole "how disabled is he?" conversation.

I hate having that conversation. I hate having to measure every little thing he does or doesnt do, and then worry about his future. I have enough to worry about already. (like how to get him to eat food instead of peanut butter and bread).

And I do worry. Somewhere in the back of my head..there is a constant worry..Ive tried to bury that voice as much as I can, and just enjoy the moment. I'm his mom, I need to be that first..but that voice..somedays that voice just wont shut up.

And having people around Talking about my son, comparing him and his abilities and behaviors to other kids his age, just makes my blood boil.

Because he will never be like other kids. He will always be my Little Bear. Intervention, Medications, Therapy's, none of that will erase who my son is. Just what he is able to do.

I have to keep that in mind..when that little voice starts talking.

The one that says.."what about the future?!" " will he ever..." "is it normal" and "why donest he"

I need to shut that out as much as possible. He will, He is, He does.

Just in his own way.

Now all I have to do Is convince a bunch of gov bureaucrats to think the same way.

wish me luck. (I'm going to need it)